Thursday, June 16, 2011

Money is evil

I love Amazon, seriously I could spend $1000's of dollars on that site my wish list is pages long my saved to cart is just as bad. ( ) Yet I get lost on the site and wish for things that I can never have.
I feel the same way about Target. I went today and spent $140. Seriously? What did I get....some outfits for Mia because she is eating her shirts.
It is a horrible habit but we stopped her from wearing her jacket everyday (short sleeved hoodies during the summer) but it was just to hot last week. So I am assuming she is just stressed out due to the change of no jacket. But...I had to get new clothes. Also birthday presents for kids (going to a few parties) and well I spent $140 on not that much. It amazes me the price of things.

Before I had kids (BK?) I use to spend so much money on nothing. Now things I need I can't get because I don't have any money. I am paying back my debt from overshopping but mainly my debt comes for food shopping for the girls and medical bills. My insurance company would pay for behavioral therapy for Chloe so I paid out of pocket for 4 months at $250 a week. I hope that someday other parents don't have to deal with paying out of pocket for medical if they have insurance.

So how do single moms make extra money if they already work? I don't have any skills I could do etsy. I just have to sell what I own and hope things get better.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

When are the chances to high?

If you knew there was a 50/50 chance that the next child you had would be autistic would you still try to have a baby? For me I know the answer would be no regardless of the chances. I had so many issues giving birth and I have to focus on them right now (plus I am not dating anyone). I do plan to adopt a child with special needs if I am ever financial able too. So in a way is that answering my question? Why give yourself more of a load when you are already bogged down. Why spend more hours in the Dr offices repeating the same tests? Why give yourself a groundhog day? I am honestly answering this question without any snarky reasons. I see many families with many differently abled kids and I wonder why? I understand having one then another before you really knew what the dx was for the first and the chances. But I have seen families of 5 all on the spectrum. Who am I to judge? It is just a question I have asked myself but can easily answer.

I do love my girls and I wouldn't drastically change them for the world. Granted many things I would change and why I do alternative therapies. I don't see the therapies and changing them for who they are, I just think it allows them to be more of who they are meant to be with a clear mind. Also would love Chloe to have some manners but she is blunt and I feel that is part of her autistic traits.

So where am I going with this I am not sure it was just something I am thinking and wondering other peoples views.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


On July 24th the girls are turning 6. I can't believe how big they are (43" and I am only 62" they will be taller then me soon). So with this of course the thought of real big girl beds. I have them sharing a room which isn't working so great anymore. Chloe is a night owl and Mia is a morning bird. They are still in their cribs (Chloe has been converted into a toddler bed). So I have a spare room which is slowly developing into a child's room.  

So it is time to also consider a bed for Mia. Mia is still in her crib with a crib tent. It keeps her safe at night and she likes it. I am looking into the nickel bed and then purchase an ikea bed. ( It is on her birthday wishlist along with a trampoline. 

With getting older I also have to deal with Chloe being invited to go over to peoples houses..........WITHOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!! I have been avoiding but apparently it is the norm with 6 year olds. She is in Boys and girls club camp this summer but not going on Wednesdays and not going 2 weeks at the end of August.

Chloe has been out of pull ups at night for almost 1 month with 2 accidents. Pretty good. I am thankful not to have to buy her pull ups anymore. Mia even got the left over case to go with her at school and they prefer them. So that means either I just buy pulls ups and use "rubber pants" over them at night or also buy diapers. We use nature babycare diapers size 6 or their pull ups, I asked them to consider making bigger diapers for special need kids and adults. I hope they do I worry often that someday I won't have any other option but to buy traditional pull ups.

We also have tons of "baby" toys in the house. I have to go through and donate to Mia's school and try to sell at Once upon a child. Needing income to pay bills always makes me feel like a crack head. If I get $100 for this stuff I can then pay off that bill.

I miss them being 5lbs and tiny but it makes me so proud to see what I created. I made them, sure their father helped but I molded them into what they are today. I am a full time mom with over time, he just volunteered. I couldn't imagine not spending every day with them. I hope to have many many many more years like these.


Monday, June 13, 2011

Feeding woes

I follow the Spunky Coconut's blog and she was working with a whole chicken in her crock pot. So I thought I would give it try. I was raised a vegetarian. So the thought of a raw chicken with all its parts has always grossed me out. I am trying to find ways that I can feed my family on a limited budget and homemade not processed foods. I found my $9 organic chicken and left her in the fridge knowing that we would do battle shortly.
Chicken in the crockpot before I cooked it.

So Sunday I had some time before we were going to go to a MerriOtters movie day ( a local group at the Marriot where autistic kids and their families can swim, we also have dinners and use the conference room to watch new dvd releases on the "big screen"). I got what I needed out and I opened up my chicken and reached inside in hopes to find a bag of mystery parts. Instead they were just in there. So I scooped them out and saved them for our dog. I massaged the bird with some coconut oil and shoved some onions and oranges into it. I left it in the crock pot for the desired 7 hrs. Came home from the movie and pulled it apart left to pick up my script (which didn't happen). When I got back home I served it for dinner and no one ate it. Seriously? I just spent 7 hrs on a chicken that I paid $9 for and no one ate it? Mia refuses to eat anything but the GF organic grass-fed hot dogs, turkey bologna or ham (only meats also she will eat some pastas, grilled cheese and Amy's GFCFSF mac and cheese). I get so frustrated when I cook a meal and she eats nothing. She doesn't understand that hunger is why she feels like crap, so just leaving her with that food and not making anything else means I will have a cranky child.

I guess I should be lucky that she eats veggies and fruits right? But when I read the glorious meals that other Mom's make for their autistic children and they stat how they gobbled it up....I feel like I am a failure. How do I MAKE her eat it? I have tried meat muffins to introduce her to chicken but she only eats them fresh out of the oven. My muffins tend to get a bit...sticky? moist? not sure but they don't save well. She prefers udi's blueberry or sweet sins pumpkin over anything I make. Even my rhubarb and strawberry didn't win her over the zucchini blueberry tempted her for a muffin or two but no longer something she will touch. I remember when I started she would eat the mini meatloaves I made along with chicken/apple meatballs, spaghetti WITH sauce, burgers, fish and etc. Now it is like I have taken a huge leap back away from my homemade food and into the land of processed. Since we no longer have a DAN! Dr I feel lost. Like I am just playing a guessing game with her health and nutrition. I am looking into other supplements ( is the main one I am looking at). I sometimes feel like I am torturing her with her diet. So any help with this would be lovely.

My lasgna (spunky coconut's recipe) that no one touched

Blueberry pie...Maggie ate most of this due to counter fail.

So I am hoping round 2 tonight will work well. I also plan to make tacos but I am out of daiya cheese and no tomatos so it will have to wait till Tuesday. So tonight might just be with some bbq sauce. Is it horrible to just give up and give her what she wants ie: hot dogs.

Just a preview

Just an intro for now.

I decided to create a blog that documents my life as a mom. Like most peoples lives, mine is complicated. I am a single mother of 5 year old twins. They are both diagnosed as ASD. They are at very different areas of the spectrum. Some assume that Chloe, my oldest by a half hour, isn't autistic. Don't you love how people can assume things? In reality even though Mia is non verbal, Chloe is harder to manage. She is a demanding little girl and always has been. As a newborn she HAD to get fed first, diaper changed, played with or she would scream and pull her hair out. Mia was always my little gentle angel. Even now when Chloe is getting ready for bed I will lay with Mia and the stress from my day will melt away until Chloe yells for me "MOMMMMMMMMMM". I love my girls they balance me out.

Chloe is a thumb sucking tomboy that loves pink and wants every toy that she sees on the tv. Her issues are mainly behaviour and ocd. She is also recovering (oddly enough) from an OCD bone fracture in her foot/ankle and knee surgery to remove a synovial cyst. The poor dear was in a walking boot for around 2.5 months. Boy did that thing stink. She will be entering 1st grade in the fall and begs me everyday to be able to ride the bus.

Mia is my freckled face best giggle in the world fastest runner little angel. She is non verbal, GFDFSF, unable to be on at supplements (due to income), low tone (in AFO's), likes to bite herself and pull her hair, bang her head, eat her shirts, mouths everything in site, not potty trained and unable to focus. She goes to specialized school for autism (I am blessed) and makes progress (then regresses) everyday. I try my hardest to make things ok for her. I am looking into HDOT and other therapies in hopes to balance her out just a little.

We also have Maggie Mae and new member of our family. She is a lab/pit mix that we rescued from Ohio. She is adjusting to the noise and the excitement in our house. She is also into chewing things like Mia, so they get along great.

I am the Mom, I am 35 years old and I work for my family. I work a lot to support us, gluten free is pricey. Their father is in and out of the picture but never financially and never emotionally. I try my best to be the rock. I did break down and cry yesterday because the pharmacy closed 5 mins I couldn't get my script. But it was a long day and I just had it. I try to be strong and that is really all I can do.

I follow many blogs of other families with autism in their lives (mostly the cooking ones...because honestly I can't cook that great). Hopefully this will help me get out all this that I carry in my head.